About Me

A shag carpet Christmas in '83

Once upon a time, a man and woman had sex. Some nine months later, in the same year The Cure released their first album (the cover of which was pink and had a picture of a fridge on it, oddly enough), they spawned a baby boy. Despite being “the ugliest kid [the father] had ever seen,” the child was allowed to live and enjoy things like ’80s Christmases and swallowing nails. After all, if ugliness were punishable by death, Alison Brie would be awfully fucking lonely by now.

Mmm. . . Alison Brie. . . .

Ahem. What was I saying? I sorta drifted off there for a sec.

Oh yeah. So, who am I? I’m just some guy. You won’t read about me in newspapers or magazines, or see me on TV or in a movie. On here I’m the Primal Mind. In China I was called liu lang de heshang, the Roving Monk, or just heshang for short. You can call me Patrick, though. Most people do.

Actually, you know how I said you’d never see me on TV? That’s a lie. You might have, but it isn’t very likely. If you did, I was either teaching English in Tangshan, skipping with a demonstration skipping rope (a manly shade of purple, I’ll have you know), giving my opinion of Snack Street in Chengdu, or discussing hostel quality in Xi’an.

Anyway. So yeah, I was born. After that very trying ordeal, I decided to live for a while. I’m still doing that. I find it suits me. For now.

I haven’t really had many issues with my health, thankfully. However, ridiculous amounts of Pizza Pizza pizza caught up with me by the summer of 2006. (And I’m serious about “ridiculous amounts.” In 2001, I received a Christmas card from Pizza Pizza HQ. I also hit over 100 orders to that particular residence of mine. Sad, huh?)

after China - 157 lb

So by July 2006, I was floating at a bloated 187 lb. How I laugh at that meagre weight now! Suffice it to say, worse was yet to come. However, not being a time-traveler, I couldn’t know that.

I went to China in July 2006 and when I returned in May 2007, I was 157 lb. That might sound awesome, but I was basically “skinny fat.” It kinda worried my then-girlfriend.

Time slipped by, as sometimes happens with tricksie bastards like time. By Aug 2010, I was 207 lb, my heaviest ever. My waist was 36.5″ and my body fat was around 24%. (I don’t have any pictures to show that since I tended to avoid photos by that point.)

Sometime in mid August, I went for a pint with my buddy Dan, who’s British. (Seriously. That matters. After all, I might not have listened to someone sans accent. Or boobs. He only has an accent, though.) Dan told me about a fancy little idea: don’t eat grains/cereals, sugars or processed foods. Huh. Sounded a bit like crazy-talk to me. I was fuckin’ on board. I suppose it helped that he was looking great — all tanned, lean, happy and vital. That’s an odd adjective, but it sums it up. He looked like he was enjoying the shit out of being alive. I was merely persisting, and not well.

I checked out Mark’s Daily Apple that very afternoon, after our pint(s), and I ordered the book, The Primal Blueprint, the next morning. It arrived on Sep 6 and I hiked up my skirts and took my first steps down the Primal path.

Now, at the time of writing this (May 26, 2011), I’m 173 lb, 13% body fat, 31″ waist and kickin’ ass. I’m not there yet (where “there” represents a mostly-realistic perception of my optimal health), but every day brings me closer and closer.

The best part? It’s fucking easy and enjoyable.

Mar 2011

One Response “About Me” →

  1. Digby

    May 27, 2011

    Glad to see you took the plunge. It’s always fun to read your posts. You are a terrific model of primal living.


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